Thank you for writing this! As a long-time depression sufferer (who has successfully treated and managed it with meds for years) and writer, I am in total agreement that we must talk openly about this stuff.
When my last book came out, I definitely experienced some downs that crossed the line from sad / frustrated / disappointed /etc. to something more than that. One such time was on the occasion of a particularly snarky review in a major publication, which came at a time when I was on shaky emotional grounds for other reasons. As a long-time depression traveler, I'm pretty good at recognizing when my brain chemistry is making things feel worse or bigger than they really are, and reminding myself that it's (most likely) temporary. But it can still be rough -- especially when you know that everyone thinks you should be on Cloud 9 and stay there.
In any case, I'm glad you're writing through it, getting help, etc. It sounds very trite to say it, but you're not alone.
Thanks for sharing your experience with this, Jane. In addition to everything we both are saying, I’d love to see a discussion around the usefulness of snarky reviews. To me, it’s always said more about the reader/reviewer (and their inability/refusal to connect with a book) than the book itself. Take care!
Yeah, I just don't understand the impulse to be snarky, or express annoyance about a book (or any piece of art), unless there's something blatantly offensive about it. It often seems like it's about the reviewer wanting to show off their own writing / voice / cleverness.
Totally. I was thinking about this today and had this vision of writers pushing back somehow against needlessly negative reviews. It feels like we're expected to be silent about reactions to our books but that also feels very disempowering when a review so obviously doesn't get what we're doing.
I’m all agog to read this — I also contend with the black dog of depression — but I must save it until I’m done reading After World. I found it in a display of dystopian / post-apo literature at the local public library. Found it initially intimidating, but now I’ve got a reading buddy who’s also interested in the Singularity to take the dive with me. My Singularity novel, Quibble, is also resistant to some readers early on — it may just be the price of admission for such an otherworldly topic. If you’re curious, see the first chapter in the link I’m pasting below (the whole novel is being serialized on Substack, and I’m nearly done). I’ll revisit and read this post once I’m done with After World, which I’m keen on — I’m as excited about reading it as I was when I found Charles Stross’s Accelerando.
Reading buddies are the best - mine has helped me get through so many books that I might not have had the energy to get through alone. Glad you found one for After World. And good for you for serializing your novel on Substack. There is no one right way to get one’s work into the world.
Thank you for your openness. I found a lot of comfort in After World. It’s a book that’s much more meaningful than most and deserves to be out there in the world. I wonder if there’s also part of you that’s happy about interviews, since that gives you the chance to spread your ideas wider?
Trying to publish a manuscript myself, and it’s incredibly hard, so indeed you are among the lucky ones - but I know from person experience with depressive episodes that telling yourself that doesn’t necessarily help :-)
I hope you write more books that are so compassionate and thoughtful.
Thank you for such a kind message, Tobias. You ask a good question - is there a small part of me that is grateful or happy about interviews? Maybe in retrospect, and maybe now that they're getting easier. It is really cool when I get to bring up non-human-centered narratives, and sperm whales, and how if you start paying close attention to anything (like, say, an insect), it becomes difficult to not fall in love with it. I think in those initial months I was so nervous that I couldn't feel any other emotion than panic. Good luck with your own manuscript!!
Thank you for sharing. Stephanie Land doesn't write specifically about depression, but definitely about her mental health struggles, since publishing her book, at her Substack, the Privilege to Feel. You might find some comfort there in her sharing about similar things.
This. I could have written this myself, the thoughts, the crushing/crippling/fracturing anxiety and depression. (It's always the garage, for me) I only have my book out on submission, but there's this thought in the back of my head...afterwards. I know the "after" will be extremely hard, when it comes. I'm saying when instead of if (one of those little tricks one uses). I knew your writing resonated with me from the first moment I found it. Then I looked for everything you wrote. Perhaps there was a deeper understanding that I felt in your words, in the pain behind some of those words, in the rare and honest talent that comes through.
I was once skewered by a reader who didn't understand what I was trying to say_ that took a while to heal over. Alas, it is hard to be loose with words when the world wants to twist them to their own effect. But you're doing all you can. Practice with friends. Don't engage when the mind says no. All the self-care items on the to-do list. And those of us who know your work, lucky us, we will sing your praises. I, for one, am most excited about your collection- I've been awaiting its arrival for a long time. And perhaps it might help to know that if it's even just one who values your writing in an intensely personal way, as in, this is exactly what I want to read, and one day if I'm a grown up writer maybe I will write something as good, then maybe it helps, just a tiny bit. And thank you, for this post, for your honesty. It helps us all.
This is beautiful, Erin. Thank you for all of this and for sharing. I'm going to bookmark your message and keep it in mind during these next months of book publication. Take care and wishing you well with your own book journey!
I love the idea of a publication czar who can prevent people like us from publishing. That would be amazing. For our own good!
Also, the post-publication sadness thing... don't you think it has to do with the fact that a book coming into the world has almost no relation to the book itself. It is this ceremony completely separate from what it purports to celebrate? And so the emptiness has to do with the fact that the book never truly comes into the world on its own terms? Or, perhaps, only does so in a dark room, at night, in the hands of a reader who loves it?
Yes. I wonder what it would look like, to have a book come into the world publicly on its own terms. Is that even possible? Percival Everett has this great quote somewhere about how he doesn't get readings or Q&A, he just wants to toss his book to people in the audience and tell them to read it. That's all people should need. Maybe that's what it looks like: books, published anonymously, tossed into crowds.
Thank you for writing this! As a long-time depression sufferer (who has successfully treated and managed it with meds for years) and writer, I am in total agreement that we must talk openly about this stuff.
When my last book came out, I definitely experienced some downs that crossed the line from sad / frustrated / disappointed /etc. to something more than that. One such time was on the occasion of a particularly snarky review in a major publication, which came at a time when I was on shaky emotional grounds for other reasons. As a long-time depression traveler, I'm pretty good at recognizing when my brain chemistry is making things feel worse or bigger than they really are, and reminding myself that it's (most likely) temporary. But it can still be rough -- especially when you know that everyone thinks you should be on Cloud 9 and stay there.
In any case, I'm glad you're writing through it, getting help, etc. It sounds very trite to say it, but you're not alone.
Thanks for sharing your experience with this, Jane. In addition to everything we both are saying, I’d love to see a discussion around the usefulness of snarky reviews. To me, it’s always said more about the reader/reviewer (and their inability/refusal to connect with a book) than the book itself. Take care!
Yeah, I just don't understand the impulse to be snarky, or express annoyance about a book (or any piece of art), unless there's something blatantly offensive about it. It often seems like it's about the reviewer wanting to show off their own writing / voice / cleverness.
Totally. I was thinking about this today and had this vision of writers pushing back somehow against needlessly negative reviews. It feels like we're expected to be silent about reactions to our books but that also feels very disempowering when a review so obviously doesn't get what we're doing.
I’m all agog to read this — I also contend with the black dog of depression — but I must save it until I’m done reading After World. I found it in a display of dystopian / post-apo literature at the local public library. Found it initially intimidating, but now I’ve got a reading buddy who’s also interested in the Singularity to take the dive with me. My Singularity novel, Quibble, is also resistant to some readers early on — it may just be the price of admission for such an otherworldly topic. If you’re curious, see the first chapter in the link I’m pasting below (the whole novel is being serialized on Substack, and I’m nearly done). I’ll revisit and read this post once I’m done with After World, which I’m keen on — I’m as excited about reading it as I was when I found Charles Stross’s Accelerando.
https://singulardream.substack.com/p/quibble-chapters-1-and-2
Reading buddies are the best - mine has helped me get through so many books that I might not have had the energy to get through alone. Glad you found one for After World. And good for you for serializing your novel on Substack. There is no one right way to get one’s work into the world.
Thank you for your openness. I found a lot of comfort in After World. It’s a book that’s much more meaningful than most and deserves to be out there in the world. I wonder if there’s also part of you that’s happy about interviews, since that gives you the chance to spread your ideas wider?
Trying to publish a manuscript myself, and it’s incredibly hard, so indeed you are among the lucky ones - but I know from person experience with depressive episodes that telling yourself that doesn’t necessarily help :-)
I hope you write more books that are so compassionate and thoughtful.
Best of luck.
Thank you for such a kind message, Tobias. You ask a good question - is there a small part of me that is grateful or happy about interviews? Maybe in retrospect, and maybe now that they're getting easier. It is really cool when I get to bring up non-human-centered narratives, and sperm whales, and how if you start paying close attention to anything (like, say, an insect), it becomes difficult to not fall in love with it. I think in those initial months I was so nervous that I couldn't feel any other emotion than panic. Good luck with your own manuscript!!
Thank you for sharing. Stephanie Land doesn't write specifically about depression, but definitely about her mental health struggles, since publishing her book, at her Substack, the Privilege to Feel. You might find some comfort there in her sharing about similar things.
I'll check out Stephanie Land's Substack - thanks Kate.
https://stephanieland.substack.com/p/announcing-my-third-book is a great account of promoting a book while having anxiety.
This. I could have written this myself, the thoughts, the crushing/crippling/fracturing anxiety and depression. (It's always the garage, for me) I only have my book out on submission, but there's this thought in the back of my head...afterwards. I know the "after" will be extremely hard, when it comes. I'm saying when instead of if (one of those little tricks one uses). I knew your writing resonated with me from the first moment I found it. Then I looked for everything you wrote. Perhaps there was a deeper understanding that I felt in your words, in the pain behind some of those words, in the rare and honest talent that comes through.
I was once skewered by a reader who didn't understand what I was trying to say_ that took a while to heal over. Alas, it is hard to be loose with words when the world wants to twist them to their own effect. But you're doing all you can. Practice with friends. Don't engage when the mind says no. All the self-care items on the to-do list. And those of us who know your work, lucky us, we will sing your praises. I, for one, am most excited about your collection- I've been awaiting its arrival for a long time. And perhaps it might help to know that if it's even just one who values your writing in an intensely personal way, as in, this is exactly what I want to read, and one day if I'm a grown up writer maybe I will write something as good, then maybe it helps, just a tiny bit. And thank you, for this post, for your honesty. It helps us all.
This is beautiful, Erin. Thank you for all of this and for sharing. I'm going to bookmark your message and keep it in mind during these next months of book publication. Take care and wishing you well with your own book journey!
I love the idea of a publication czar who can prevent people like us from publishing. That would be amazing. For our own good!
Also, the post-publication sadness thing... don't you think it has to do with the fact that a book coming into the world has almost no relation to the book itself. It is this ceremony completely separate from what it purports to celebrate? And so the emptiness has to do with the fact that the book never truly comes into the world on its own terms? Or, perhaps, only does so in a dark room, at night, in the hands of a reader who loves it?
Yes. I wonder what it would look like, to have a book come into the world publicly on its own terms. Is that even possible? Percival Everett has this great quote somewhere about how he doesn't get readings or Q&A, he just wants to toss his book to people in the audience and tell them to read it. That's all people should need. Maybe that's what it looks like: books, published anonymously, tossed into crowds.